It is a shame that things went this way..
"open hand" to me is letting those you contact know exactly what you are doing... When first approached, although not contractually committed, there was absolutely nothing to give me any idea that any other engineers were being asked about involvement - If I had permitted it (and if it had been possible for me to accept it) the Maxim would have been brought to my home the very week I was first approached.
Yes - I spent quite a lot of time evaluating the project, and preparing to undertake it .. Although "unconfirmed", there was an extremely tight deadline set for completing the job, and I did not believe I could afford to wait until I got full confirmation - NEVER at ANY point in ANY discussion was the possibility that someone else might be given the job mentioned or even hinted at.
Then I read a PWO "blog" stating that (I paraphrase from memory) "The Maxim theremin had been worked on for a year, and was nearly completed" (I still have no idea about that - was it a lie ? or have I been lied to ? I cannot see how it can be neither of those! ) - And a planned meeting to examine the Maxim was cancelled at short notice, and communication from PWO ceased.. I then heard a rumor about Thierry possibly being requested to do the job.
Perhaps my posting was a bit harsh - For this I apologise.. But the time it would have taken to contact me and put all the cards on the table is a tiny fraction of the time I spent on this "project".. I knew that the project was dependant on Kick Starter - and that time I spent was "at risk" if this did not achieve its goals - but at no time was I remotely aware that there were any "other risks" to my involvement with the PWO.. This is the context of my "open hand" comment, and I think this comment is fully justified.. Right at the outset, I should have been informed that Thierry had been / was being approached about the job, and if Thierry was not informed that I had been approached, he should have been! - To lead me (and possibly Thierry) on without this knowlege was simply wrong, and if not "dishonest" close enough to "dishonest" IMO as to be equivalent to dishonest.
We will never get any of the dreams alledgedly aspired to by the PWO if we cannot even be open and honest with the people we deal with in the here and now. The future starts today - Forget preaching, and start living what one would preach, and we may get on the road to enlightenment.. perhaps..
But behave like the above (and I include myself in this critisism - I should have tried to open the channels and put the issues which were bothering me on the table, rather than gone off in a huff), and we will end up having plenty of old weapons to turn into musical instruments FOREVER, because production of new weapons will not stop, and old ones will be available because these are REPLACED by more modern weapons - Not because weapons have been made redundant.
Pedro took functional weapons surrendered / donated, and destroyed them, 1500 guns turned to 1500 shovels to plant 1500 trees.. a real symbol of change. PWO buys weapons and IMO is borderline with its regard to its true stance - "apolitical" and not vehemently opposed to the arms industry as far as I can see.. Pedro's entire focus is on highlighting the arms industry and campaigning for manufacture of weapons to be at least reduced now. This is present tense stuff - not pie-in-the-sky "when all war has ended" stuff! Pedro is certainly not apolitical when it comes to arms.. We wont get any change by playing weapons converted into musical instruments unless this is complemented (as Pedro does) by unequivocal condemnation of the arms industry.
I have now realised that am too passionate in my DETESTATION of the MURDER industry to be at home with the PWO's ambivalence.. If the PWO ever became openly hostile to the arms industry and had a real strong delivery focussed on this theme, I would be willing to work as an engineer for them free of charge .. But while there is any possibility that "PWO" could be mistaken for "Pro War Orchestra" I will not touch them.. Within the context of unambiguous hostility to the arms industry, I can just about tolerate the sight of instruments of murder, in any other context (as "art" or whatever) the idea is sickening to me.
I am an extreme case, I accept this.. I saw the 1999-2000 new year in alone at the local cenetaph - Something "moved" me to go there.. The sound of the fireworks just brought back too much pain and rage. Perhaps those who have never sheltered from an attack and seen people blown apart by these most wicked of human inventions can never share what I feel.. I have never "healed" from seeing 2 parents holding their dead child after that attack.
If I had the power, I would take every person knowingly involved in design, production, and /or distribution of weapons (and those knowingly making money by investing in such "industry") for the sake of profit (Specifically, I am not talking about weapons produced for legitimate national defence - or at times when evils like facism would over-run peaceful peoples - I am talking about the arms industry, which sells to all players and deliberately promotes conflict in order to boost sales - and most particularly those weapons like mines and cluster bombs whos primary role is in killing and maiming civilians and laying a foundation of terror - creating the next generations of arms purchasers - those seeking revenge for their stolen lives ) , and use these weapons for the last time.. To blow those scum off the face of this planet. - And yes, I can see the irony and my hypocricy - this is just pure fantasy anyway, and has nothing real about it... I also know that placed in the position of any of these people and given their matrix, I would do the same .. But I hope that if I ever became "that", someone would blow me away.....
I was always the wrong person for the PWO.. Perhaps I knew this deep inside - I supressed my revultion at watching the video of the "shopping spree" where "instruments" were being bought - And my discomfort at the terms being used to describe the PWO team: "Armourer" and "suit" for example.. It just conveyed to me notions which should be abhorent to anyone opposed to the arms industry or war - more akin to managment of a private army than an anti-war orchestra to present a concert at Glastonbury.
I was the wrong person - I dont do "lefty" or "hippy" or whatever because its "trendy" or "arty" - And I dont really compromise or play games.. Its between the eyes, unfiltered, undiplomatic from me - harsh. Not really suited to most (if any) "normal" way that humans behave. I wish I could be otherwise - I would probably be a lot happier and a lot better liked, but this is who I am.
Fred.